I told myself I am strong enough to face these. I told myself somehow I wouldn't cry for these. I have to understand the situation that he's away for the time being and I have to be independent instead of dependant. But it's not about needing him here to do stuff for me. I need him here just to be here right beside me.

I felt a sudden wake up call that I'm being alone for the pass 2 weeks plus. Eating, sleeping and waking up alone. It hurts. Seriously. It hurts knowing you're married but your husband is not beside you. I wouldnt mind if I was physically fit enough to go and move around, but well, it's obvious I'm on my trimester stage whereby usually all husband are by thier wife's side. But look, I'm alone.

I admit I'm now weak to face this. Realising my due is very soon, and he's not here, it's damn killing me. Mentally.
I shall eat this feelings up like how I use to.

I may be strong enough to wait for him while he was away in brunei for almost a year, although we went thru many test while far from each other, we manage to pull it thru. 1 year was long enough to make me wait, and this is just a while. But it felt like it's taking him too long. Seriously how many more overseas job must you go, and how many more times must you leave me here all alone?

Don't worry, I'm not giving up it's just that I just don't feel right. Is it just my hormones or am I really going crazy about this situation. I need him back here a.s.a.p. It's unfair. How could the government don't understand the situation. Let's not brag about it. But I can really scream at the top of my lungs now letting all these pain go.

I kept saying I'm OKEY, the truth?? Answers are so obvious. All women would want thier other half to be beside them going thru this phase, may not be literally, but at least have him to comfort her.

*taking a deep breath*

Shall just keep enduring and pray that he's safe wherever he is and whatever he is doing now.

YA ALLAH YA TUHAN KU, HANYA PADAMU AKU MEMOHON. KAU BERIKAN LAH AKU KEKUATAN UNTUK MENEMPUHI UJIAN MU DIMUKA BUMI INI YA ALLAH. HANYA KAU YANG DAPAT MEMAHAMI PERASAAN KU DAN HANYA KAU AKU MEMOHON KESABARAN YA ALLAH.. SESUNGGUHNYA HAMBA MU INI SANGAT LEMAH DAN PERLU BIMBINGAN MU. KAU BERIKANLAH AKU KESABARAN MENANTI KEPULANGAN NYA, JAUHIKAN PEMIKIRAN KU DARI MEMIKIR HAL-HAL YANG MERUNSING KAN. DAN YA ALLAH, HANYA PADAMU AKU MEMOHON, KAU LINDUNGILAH SUAMIKU DARI SEGALA KEKEJAMAN, KEBENCIAN, HASRAT DENGKI MANUSIA LAIN, BENCANA ALAM, PENYAKIT DAN MAHKLUK2 HALUS CIPTAAN MU. SESUNGGUHNYA KAU LEBIH BERKUASA UNTUK MENENTUKAN SEMUANYA YA ALLAH. HAMBA MU INI MEMOHON PERLINDUNGAN MU YA ALLAH...

I'm crying. Literally. So shall just put my post to an end here. I love u dearest husband. <3