First of all, let me start my day with wishing all of you earthlings a very Happy Valentines Day. And all Chinese people A Roaring New Year..

This is Going To Be A Very Long Post for My ♥HUBBY♥
p/s : as much as im concerned, if u think that this post is too long, then dun bother reading it. like i say it's for my guy...

Hey ♥ ,
its been almost a year since i know you, 7 mths since i've waited and in 4 days time marks 2mths since we've been togather.. Maybe i should have told you earlier about this and yet its my mistake..Finally now i guess i shall let it out..

Remember how we know each other? From the net, TAGGED. It started there. March last year..I started doing my tagged account and you were 1 of the first 20 people to add me and be in my friendlist. I just had a bad experience with my ex and you were too. But then you were attached to some1 to make u forget the previous 1. Same goes to me. You were attached to "Thyra" to forget "Kira" and i was attached to "Naim" to forget "Khai"..But still you wanted my msn addy. Which i could remember the first two times i rejected saying im not giving any msn addy to strangers..But u seem so keen about getting my msn addy. I played hard to get. You bought me as pets and wen sum1 bought me, u kept buying me.. Then as my value got higher i could afford you back..i bought you and sum1 bought you back..but still i wouldnt want to stop buying you. then we xchange comments and tags. Then you left ur email in my inbox. I add you in my msn, and we chat few times..after almost a week, u asked for my cntct number. again, i refuse to give..u asked for it twice..i refuse to..but still we talk as normal in msn..

after almost 3 weeks, we chat again, u asked for my number, i gave u and told u nt to text me often as i was attached. you said the same but u said u were complicated..and we did had a conversation in msg for only twice and all is just "dah mkn?" then nothing else but that. but 1 think i was pretty sure i adore u was, u kept sending me goodnight msges to fill up my nights...u nvr fail to send me any msges..i wasnt interested in you for sure but i enjoy having ur msges wif me..till i was back single and again attached. i was attached to "Angah" and then u stop sending me those night messages. No more "goodnight"..no more "sweet dreams.." no more "sleep tight" no more goodnight messages from you.. Frankly i was at lost. Although i was with him, i was getting use to ur msges every night before sleep. But all that has stop and i dunno why. i kept waiting for ur night msges... but i didnt get any.. so i bring myself togather to msg you although i know tat you wouldnt recognise me. I msg you but to no avail.. u didnt reply at all.. thats when i decided the only way was to see if you were online..by chance if i was lucky enough i would see u in msn again...

by then things were already on the cliff for me and angah. eventually things couldnt get further so we broke up..only then i started sitting at home being 24/hrs daily online expecting to see u online..the only thing that makes me recognise u was ur red picture.

i was contcting my ex "khai" for almost a week back then..and suddenly u came online 1 day, nudge me.. i was happy. seriously. coz i was all along expecting u to come online as i wanted to ask what happen to all the night msges...we talked. and i realise i shouldnt ask why..but i need to let it off my chest..i asked u why u didnt msg me and why i msg u, u didnt reply.. and u said, u cnt msg me as u were already overseas..i was terribly shock..but i kept to myself. i asked myself why didnt i take the chance to get to knw u better when u were here n now situation gets so hard for me...i told myself, what is there in u tat makes me wan ur companion so much..still, i refuse to move a step forward.. i stood still waiting for my feelings to tell me to make the move.

i refuse to go out of the house, i refuse to look at anyone else..i refuse to give anybody else the chance coz i was very comfortable talking with u day and night..u always asked me to webcam with u while u were werking..and as i can remember we start talking 2 weeks before Puase. and all along then it was u..u..and u...and i saw ur msn pm..

but i was sure, i wasnt the only 1 to wait for u..and im right.my instincts never lie so i told myself to back off..although i love u so much already, knowing the fact that im not the only girl that has hopes for u really breaks me down..i dunwan to play the game "best women wins" coz as much as i know they are as perfect as any girls would be.. beauty, sweetness..everything.. but all i have was patience and tolerance..i couldnt give ur eyes an addiction to look at me all the time to say im sweet, but all i could do was to make u look at me knowing tat i would always wait.

i refuse to win ur heart any much more coz i have the feeling tat i can nvr win this..although i told eveyone tat i already have you, they didnt know how it felt to be left hanging onto sumtink that is unsure.. i was holding on to u, but u were holding on to a few more girls..and that means i was left hanging waiting to know who is the 1 u really wanted. u said u loved me. u said u needed me. u sent me sweet tags.. but u sent those to tags to them too..as much as i tot tat i was special, they were special too.. so i was put on an equal stage...i refuse to say anything, and frankly i thought of backing off..coz i hate putting in tat situation where im part of a love triangle, square or whatever..

but the more i was letting u go, the more i wanted u to be wif me. there are many guys who could have been my guy for a very long time, but i cant help it but to be frank tat i love u too much to move on with them. i can never let u go...i had the chance to be back wif my ex, but i dunwan to, i had the chance to be with sum1 wif so much luxuries, i refuse to, i could have been with sum1 with a name, popular i shall say..i still ignored those opportunities...and lastly u got pissed with me by sum1's picture with me. and u shud realise, i could have done much worse then tat..i could have moved on with him but i didnt want to.. coz i cant love 2 person at 1 time and like he said, i have to make my choice...i still chose you..as much as he loves me , i still cant let u go..coz i said "i love u" to u much much much more earlier...although u havent chose anyone yet, i chose u.. coz im willing to take the risk to be hurt if ever 1 day u turn ur back against me..if whatever u said to me previously was true abt being togather, loving me so much, thinking abt me every now and then, i shall say that kept me holding on to my promise to u..

till the day came when we played the hang-man game..u asked me to be part of ur life, to share those ups and downs...i was really happy..it was a dream come true.finally u r making me part of ur life..finally i had my status changed to in a relationship, a proper relationship. i couldnt explain anything in words..but u make me happy..it falls on the 1st day of the muslim calender...i feel so blessed.

but for sure i know many people would say, we can nvr last long. they would say i was being dumb to believe ur words and stupid enough to be fooled by u..frankly i dun care. i know what i want. and if i were to be hurt by u, it doesnt concern thier life..i knw i want this  for sure and im sure this is going to happen the way we want it to be..

u got home from overseas, met me, treat me so special like a princess, and finally u put the ring to my finger which marks im reserved by u only. and i know tat for sure, im not going anywhere without you anymore..i'll wait. i promise i'll do. everytime i see sumtink tat makes me jealous, i kept reminding myself, i already have the ring tat comes from u..im already sum1's wife-to-be..when i see sum1 so happy, i told myself, soon it will be me..everytime wen sumtink frm the past flashes back n brings me down, i kept this in my mind, "he would never cheat on me..."

just like yesterday, sumtink cropped up, i swear i didnt feel anything abt ur msges that ive seen coz it was back2 then, the only thing was the song.. and after u explained, i cooled off..coz i trust wat u said to me..but deep down i was afraid..im afraid tat i cant be as special as how she is..and when u said u lost hope. i couldnt help it but break down..i cant imagine losing u..after i saw everything i realise how much she means to u..and dy...i swear im really2 afraid to lose u..im nt accusing u..and i dunwan to assume things, i just dunwan u to leave me...ever. remember what u said, no matter hw hard it seems, we should stick on togather..im still holding on to that...although u said u lost hope after i asked u abt it, i cnt do anything..coz the 1 who should have lost hope was me.. but im not going to.. i still have so much hope on us..i still love us the way i use to..

i still know that no matter what i still love u as before.. to me the msges was past. a year ago. and now its just us....i wanna be sum1 important in ur life..sum1 tat u need to be wif every single moment.. sum1 to share all ur feelings with..sum1 to be by ur side when u r in sorrows or happiness.. i understand how special or i shall say precious she is to u last time, but now please bare in mind im the only girl tat is holding onto u..i had sum1 in my life too n the past..but as far as i know, sum1 like u deserves me much more then they do..coz now only u could make me smile, only u i kept thinking of..and no one else. i swear, no one else. the past, i've totally let it go..coz im looking forward to the future, to our plans..

and i promise u tat, as long as im breathing, i would take care of u, love u with all my heart, make u the priority, be the 1 to always stand strong beside u..i never want anybody else.. so now, take what i've always said to u.. whatever that has happen in the past let it be gone. we've started a new book, we've pass our first chapter and already heading for the 2nd. and i hope this love story never end...as much as people think that we couldnt make it, fuck thier hatred lives! we can for sure prove that we have the greatest happiest fairytale they can never have...

all i can say now is thanks for lighting up my life, making me feel loved, special and in the same time accepted by ur family..as much as i love u, i love them too...nothing is much more important then our lives ahead and our family. thanks for being such a great husband-to-be...i ♥ you with all my heart muhammad al-khair