Sunday, January 3

Are you showing me that this is your actual lifestyle?? You wanted me to have a change of my own lifestyle for my freaking own good, but look at you. You are not even proving that you are changing for the sake of US! Does it even get into your mind that your status has change? Or to you, status is just a word. I don't enjoy looking at someone whom i love getting drunk and being so cockup. Do you even remember what you said before you drank last night?? And after you were drunk, do you remember every single words you spit out of your mouth? Or was it just word vomit or i shall say the aftermath of your "another beer nights..". I don't really care if you wanna drink so much but yesterday, i knew you lost control of yourself. But you claim saying that you are still okey. In the fucking end, i watch you sleep. Then what the hell did i waited for? To welcome someone that is high drunk infront of my eyes? Oh.. I totally forgot. You were not drunk. You were not even tipsy. You remembered what you said to me did you. You still could held up your face and do that wink right. Yeah. So okey you were not drunk.

Maybe i was. I drank too much too did i? That's why i started seeing things about you! Maybe the signals. Maybe was just plain nightmare which is just part of the entire sleep game.

Yeah, I never dreamt about someone very close to me before, and let me tell you, i dreamt about you! Freaking painful nightmares which cause me to wake up with wasted tears. I cried for nothing! I cry for just a dream. It was stupid right? But did you even know how it felt?? I refuse to tell you coz i take it as just a normal nightmare, and even if i did tell you, you would say how silly i am to believe such craps. Fine. It's a nightmare, but what if 1 day it turns out to be a freaking dejavu? I really prayed hard so that those were just stupid mind games but last night, the dreamt came again.

You didn't even bother to open your eyes and read what i've told you, you didn't even care when i called out your name few times. Do you know how painful it is? I cry myself to sleep and i woke up crying. Is this what life's suppose to be when you truly love someone? Are you trying to hurt me in a slow steady way but still make me love you so much?

If you said, you didn't mean to, now let me ask you. Who the hell am i to you?! Do you think This is the way you show you are concern about everything? Or you are just tired by my existance afterall.

Everytime we had an arguement, didn't you realise something? I still smile the next time i see's you. I still could forget whatever that has happen. Do you even care?? All you know was i could take this pressure and forget the mistake very easily. It was like i'm forcing myself to eat my feelings which i know will have it's side effects. Please don't show me the signals that you are taking advantage of my patience. I may be humble enough to find you back after a fight although it's not my mistake, coz i never wanted to make a fight any bigger or much worse to lose you. Don't you even get that in your brain??

Why are you doing this to me? Did i even make a mistake to you? Even if i did, the worse was saying i'm going to slap your face. Even by saying that, you get so emotional about it. When you know i wouldn't even do it. What else is just not enough right now? Tell me and

would do anything to make things just the way you want it to be. Eventhough it's gonna hurt me, but if it makes you happy, then just bring it to me. And i would do it just for the sake of making you smile.

Please wake up. Soon it's gonna be official and are you sticking onto this lifestyle? And are you ready to lose the ones that you love for the sake of your own entertainment? Think again. I wouldn't be the only one getting pissed seeing you drunk. What do you think they would say? My family and your's? If i were to say these out to them, do you think they would be mad at me or they would be dissappointed and ashame of you?

p/s : Please change. If it's not for me then atleast for your own future sake!

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