Tuesday, December 1
^^ A Random Picture Of Me When I Was 18 ^^
Yeah, as you can see nowadays my blog is flooded by stupid shits of people making stories about me, talking behind my back, friends backstabbng me and the worse part people talking about my family...
So well, i've decide to share my story to all of you.. This is going to be a very long post about me and my life.. So i hope you people dun mind spending you time reading it...
I was born in 17 sept 1989, and my dad, who was formally a lead guitarist of BPR (Bumi Putra Rockers) was a man who was hot-tempered and my mum has becaome his punching bag eversince i dunno. So i shall say mum was abuse by dad. They got a divorce when i was barely 2 years old. So i couldnt really remember how my dad look like. I was brought up by my mum alone who work and was the breadwinner for 3 kids in Singapore. Me and my 2 other siblings. My real dad took away my 2 other elder bro and i've never seen them.
The only way we siblings communicate was thru fon, n wen mum called my dad, they would start to quarrel over money matter or i shall say, "duit nafkah". Just imagine, till now my dad didnt gave my mum any cash to support the 4 of us. My mum work in factory for 10 yrs..And when i was in primary 4, mum gave me away to my aunty to take care of me as my grandma was getting old and very sick. Mum work 2 jobs. A production officer in the morning from 8am-4pm & a mummy in a pub at night from 9pm-3am. She didnt have any enough rest for her self. I know, people look down on my mum by the way she work, but if you see in a positive way, she's working alone to support, me, bro, sis n my late grandma. She work barely 6 mths and she quit her night job to take me back from my aunty. She didnt want to see me grew up in some enviroment where she know would spoil me.
Grandma past away when i was in primary 6, leaving mum, me, sis & bro. When that happen, nobody could take of us except ourselves. My bro and sis quit thier school and start to work to help mum with the expenses. My sis work as a hostess. My bro went in prison for rioting. So imagine, the 3 of us girls staying alone togather. People discriminate us. People look down on my sis. But still we could care any less. We didnt trouble anybody
The very first time i saw my dad when i was in secondary 1, i was 13. But i dun feel any comfort with him coz he's wasnt the 1 who brought me up.. He didnt know what we went through.. He cried when he saw me, and i can't deny that i cried too. But in my mind, i kept asking, why cry?? You abuse my mum in front of my very own eyes, you cheated my mum. What else? And now you sheding your tears infront of me?
Mum had a boyfriend, who stayed with us, he's nice but he was also sum1 who is abusive. He hit my mum a few times and mum refuse to tell us. Till 1 day sis got fed up she kick mum bedroom door open and beat the guy up.. I was in shock and i swear i could do anything but look the fight happen right in front of my eyes...
And yes, i was proud of my sister, although she was smaller then me, she could actually beat the guy up until he really went out of our house..And there's where i learn, never let anyone step over our head..
There was 1 time, my mum's fren son actually said something to me which really pissed me off, he said...
"eeee...kau takde bapak!! at least aku ade bapak..."
What i did? First time in my life i actually punch that guy on his eyes. Swollen. He cried, called his parents, his parents talk to my mum.. My mum apologize, i went over to his house with mum and i said to his parents,
"kalau korg tak tau nk ajar anak korg, biar aku ajar kan.. Eh! aku memang takde bapak lah! tapi family aku tak menyusahkan kau mcm maner korg dtg umah aku pinjam2 tapi tak byr tau. paham!"
They look at thier son and they apologize back at my mum..
Okey i know i shouldnt have punch him, but the way he said i have no father sounds like my mum gave birth to me not knowing who's the father. So too bad..
Mum was a strong women. She kept on going to support us, and the house. My sis who work as a hostess, brought home enough cash to cover the entire family. People said those who work as a hostess sell off thier body. Do you even know my sis?? Do you even know how she bring herself?? She werk that since she was 14, but she never fail to cook, clean the house..With the money she earn, she could afford anything we want. She bought many stuff to make our house feel like home... My bro was release when i was in sec 3, and since then he was everything to me. He was the closest to me in my family.
Mum got married when i was 18, to someone who i dun really like. I dun mind if my mum wanna get married but he's an asshole i can say... Coz he seems like he wans my mum but he refuse to accept her kids. And he always compare between us and his kids who were bunch of bimbos! Until there was 1 time when me and my other 2 siblings quarrel with him over his bad mouth, mum made a decision. Mum said to him,
" if u cant accept my kids, u are free to go, i would still live without a man. I'm used to be a widowed. If i grow old, i know my kids would still take of me just like how i took care of them..."
Then slowly he realise how strong we family stand between each other no matter what happen. Nobody, and i really mean it, nobody came to help us when my family were in need.Not only mum, anyone in this family would choose ourself then outsiders.
Like my sis, her ex-boyfriend who was wth her for 3 yrs, fought with my sis, slapped her, and even broke my house window, mum asked my sis to choose a better guy..my sis left him.
My bro, brought home a girl who is so rude and "mentel"..my mum just got digusted and told my bro think again..
And me, when i was with khai, the 1st guy i brought home, he quarrelled with me almost everyday, and i cried almost everytime we quarrell, i was 53kg when i first met him, after 11months togather, i lost 14kg due to stress and depression.. There was once after i quarrell with him, mum told me this,
"kat keluarga nie, mak tak pernah kasi kau nangis sampai hari2, abg ngan kakak kau pantang nampak kau nangis, tapi biler kau ngan khai, dier takde segan silu gado ngan kau depan kite, kasi kau nangis.. syimah, mak tau kau sygkan dier, tapi jgn pasal syg, kau nk pendam perasaan kau..kau yang nangis2, mak tgok anak mak nangis, mak dpt rase perit nyer... klu betol dier leh kasi kau bahagia, mak nk dier buktikan, klu tak, mak tak pakse kau, kau ade akal untok pikir..mak taknk kau mcm gini slalu k..."
That was 4 months before khai ask for the 28th breakup..And when he asked for the 28th breakup, he talked to my mum about leaving me...i accept it without crying. although i hurts so bad, i cnt seem to cry anymore for him..
Only then people realise that my family could support each other without troubling others, then slowly people come to us start to play games and borrow this and that. My mum and sis was humble to lend as much as they can, but people took advantage of them. Thinking that we would be someone who they can step on.
Where were they when my mum and us was in need?
Where were they when mum gave me away?
Where were they when i studied for my PSLE without any lights at home?
Where were they when my dad abuse my mum?
Where the fucking are they??
and now people talk shit about my family?? YES! we went through a hard life! But my mum dont go knocking at your door to borrow money did she? Did she go to your house asking you father to buy us a house? Who paid for the fucking utilities?? Your parents??
ask that yourself!
the answer is all damn NO! then why bother talking about my family?? My sis work as hostess, but she dun go around fucking with guys. my bro is a ex-convict so? dun you learn the meaning of yellow ribbon!
so before you wanna talk shits about my family, put yourself in my position, growing up with full of trauma, hows that? but still, i dun mess with people's life do i?
talk about us more. I SWEAR karma will strike!
Then you'll know how it feels when sum1 in you family got divorced, or people start looking down on people who is the bread winner for your house..
It wont happen to your family now, but you'll never know if it happens to your children.
so yeah.. talk about us more.
Allah will always stand by our side...
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