Wednesday, October 7
I couldnt sleep the whole night thinking what i should do to make my mum not bring me to jakarta. Again first thing came to my mine was everything that is precious to me. Especially Khair. It's all about him.
I know how hard it's gonna be not talking to him or even see him thru webby. I really missed him already. It's 24hrs left before i actually leave for Jakarta. And i'm not prepared a single thing yet. I haven't even packed my stuff. I just dunwan to go seriously.
The thought of leaving everything behind kills me. Especially my precious time with him. I feel bad seriously. I feel bad for leaving him alone eventhough it's virtual life. The more he said not to go the more i feel hurt. The more i feel bad the more i feel like crying. I can't do anything already. Tickets are bought. Un-refundable.
Some friends told me, lari rumah sudah syimah. WTH... It's sounds crazy then it seems but yeah i feel like doing it. Just to escape from going. But mum will be so pissed off.
Yesterday told mum again that i dun wanna go, she looked at me like she's gonna eat me anytime soon if i utter another word. So well, i shut myself up. I had migraines just by thinking what to do end up i gave up. Seriously gave up. It will be a week or so, but people who knows i'm going sound like they really wan me to stay. How i wish i can people...
ALthough i have my own choice of going or staying, but tickets are bought, i dun mind changing my mind and quarrelling with mum if the tickets are not yet bought, but it's all settled. I only have to pack my stuff and wait for tomorrow...
I just have this bad feeling of going.
I dunno wat it is, but i feel a sense of nervous. Maybe it's my first time boarding the plane, or maybe it's because of what i heard about Jakarta. You know, the earthquake and stuff...Ya Allah....I dunno. I just dunwan to go... If the tickets doesnt have my name on it, i swear i would asked my sister boyfriend to follow them instead. But the tickets have my name. FUCK!...
I feel like crying my heart out n screaming my lungs out my ass. Yeah! that much.
I DUN WAN TO GO!!
The sound of holiday, it's like WOW~ but the sound of 1 whole entire week @ sumwhr i dunno sounds so s c a r y. There's nothing there.
Baby, I'm seriously sorry, i dun mean to leave you behind alone. I know we almost chat with each other every single day, and it's gonna make a big diff now, but i seriously dunno wat to do now.. I have no other choice but to go. I promise you i'll come back and you'll be the 1st person to know. Just remember my flight back to Singapore will be on the 14th which is next week weds.
Now i have butterfly in my tummy.. I feel so nervous that i feel like vomitting. My throat feels uneasy. Taste like URGH!!!
I cant stop thinking.
I cant stop finding.
I cant stop the bad feeling.
I just cant stop anything....
I'm Sorry.
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