Thursday, October 29
28th Oct 2009. The date he said to be remembered. The day we actually talk otf for about 4hours, the day i actually tell him more about myself, my family, my past , everything. So now i have no more secrets to be hidden from him. To be frank it's kindof hard to tell about my background and especially about my family coz i dun tell around about my family background and stuff. Well, shockingly i manage to tell him the full story about my family. And hopefully he's not those type of person who will judge a person's background.
To me, i've already lost in life, just waiting for sum1 to accept me with his full heart sincerely for who i am.
Insya`allah...
It's been almost 3 mths since i've been very close with him and i swear i feel very comfortable. Especially after telling him everything, i feel like a have lighten the load on my back. Before this i was afraid to tell him, afraid that he might look down on me and just leave me for his own good. But if that happens, i can't stop him coz i know he will find sum1 better. Eventhough i love him too much, if he choose to go, i have no power to stop him from doing so.
Been talking about ex's and our past, and it's true wen people actually say the world is very small. He knows my ex-boyfriend by the name of Khairun Ahyar. Oooh... Ade crite~
Ignoring that. coz i dun wish to know anyting about my ex anymore.
Was browsing through my thumbdrive and saw few memorable pictures of my ite and pizahut life. Been uploaded to Facebook. And my ite mates were laughng at thier own pics commenting and stuff.. Especially sue. hehe. she said im so DEAD for uploading those photos. alah.. its because she was plus size last time, but now she's super hot mamma! sebab tu got boyfie adie kan kan kan. so happy for u. and yeah see my kental minah looks in ite.. i just find myself ugly. hahaha then pizhut pics, with my hair blonde. omg. i swear its like suicide uploading those pics but ohswells, people change from time to time. so if they wanna say im ugly be it. i dun giv a damn larh kan. im still who i am. ouhs.. sue loves my pic above.. well that pic was taken last year.. around june or july cant recall that much.
so i've been lying facing my lappy for the past 24hrs. i only got up to go to the ladies or get myself a drink. and whats more worse i'm lying in the middle of my living room. hahah. like nobody buisness.. anyway, i feel relax larh kan. cumer suddenly feel fucked up just now.
i dunno whats got into me, i get so pissed off for the simplest thing. like mum n step dad talking at the top of thier voice, i'll be like staring at them. then wen my step dad terlanggar the pillow im lying down i start rolling eyes at him. then mum start whining about her job and stuff, i'll start closing my eyes and give a very-loud-attention-seeking sigh.. so she should know that i'm already annoyed. then accidentally viewed sum1's profile and saw sumthing that seriously make me feel like punching my lappy LCD. okey... forget it its the past, but eventhough it's the past, i do get jealous when i read and see these;
I MISS YOU.....
haiz...tinkin of u every second la..wish u were here haiz.... i miss ur voice ur kiss ur hug la... hope can c u soon...u take care kat singapore ok..dont noty2 tau..hehe will owayz luv u....;)
does that look familiar sweetheart??
okey now i sound like a stalker.. ish no larh... just tat i was reading through and i saw those. "4 months ago"..im not jealous that u send those to her, i just feel like, u r repeating the same words to me now.... argh!!!! heartpain sey. nemind. anyways, u said she's an ex. okey she is k. i dunwan to sound so possessive but i just want u to know i'm really afraid of losing you. i dun wan to lose you. never ever k.
im in no mood when i see tat coz i feel like there is still sum1 special for you other then me. sooo.. im just out of words now. maybe i loved u too much. im sorie for my behaviour.
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