Maybe most of you will be asking what is my real status right now. Even i myself should ask that question to myself. As you can see how close i am to that special sum1, but still i find tat we are still stuck in a tough position..I could never trust any guy after what happen to me in the past. I dun compare, i dun judge. I analyse. But i cant seem to open my heart to anyone till i met him. I dunno why i could love him. I contact with dozen and dozen of guys buy still, i kept thinking of him. idk y.. Maybe i'm falling in love with him. Maybe i was afraid to lose him. I got jealous for small simple things. I kept thinking negatively about him. He's too short-tempered. He gets mad very easily. But still idk y i love him. It was such a miracle to see how my feelings change. Let's just say tiz out. My previous relationship, i cnt love him eventhou i tried so hard, wen i was wif khai, i love him too much tat wen he hurt me, i hate him so much tat i pretended he was a complete stranger. But wen i met tiz guy, i cnt seem to resist the temptation of falling in love with him. Although i just know him, i tried my very best to open my heart for him. ANd i could. I fall for him but i was afraid to say it thou. He has now ask me to be his gal, be part of his life, and be his last gf. How can i be convinced tat he is nt swit-talking to me. I love him, but i was damn freaking afraid of loving him more. He treats me very well wenever we mit. Never fail to make me smile. Never fail to win my heart. Yesterday. I went to marina south pier wif him. Sat down, had a can of heineken and stout talk over things. He apologize. He send me an apology msg few days back, and nw he is apologizing face to face. I couldnt be more emotional. I was holding my tears back. I dun wish to cry infront of him. He hug me, and repeatly said he loved me. For his situation, we may just know each other for almost 3 months, but i dun blame him for falling for me. HE shall know what i did to make him fall for me. Appreciate. He got the looks where i shall say, girls wuld say he is a playa. I know. I thought of that too. BUt yesterday, he proven me wrong. He said, he never wanted anymore other girls. Only i could take care of him. After his accident, it open up his eyes, that no other girls could bother taking care of him except me. Not wendy, not ika, not kira, not even Yatie. Where were they when he needed the help? All they did was msg. All they did was comment. But i was the 1 whom struggle juggling my time to take care of him. If i was mean enough, why would i even bother taking care of him when he is not even my guy. Why should i waste my time on him, when i have dozen of guys waiting to date me out. The reason was simple. I have the hearts for him. I dun wish to impress him. I did it sincerly. Even if after he recover, he forgets about me, i'm thankful that i was actually the one that clean his wound, feed him and so on... And now that he finally confess that he loves me and i love him too, i just dunno wats next. My current status is complicated. I want to be with him but i was very afraid to. Im willing to do anything for him. Anything. BUt i was afraid i would be played out again. Im tired of being hurt by guys. I dun wish to hate, but they made me to. All i wanted was honesty and sincerity. Is it that hard? Now that i love him, everytime i think of him, i felt like crying coz i was really afraid tat i might lose him just like how i lost the rest... I dun care wat ppl wanna say about me, i know i cntct with thousand guys, but i dun go fuck around. I wan him to understand me. I do love you, but i'm afraid to love you more. Really. YOu mean everything to me. If this is going to hurt me, Please tell me so i wont expect much wen there's nothing to hope for.. Grant me clarity. Please.