Friday, July 11
How could i even make him accept me for me. I didnt change but he said i did. He kept getting pissed for the simplest thing. Why? I tried my very best to be the one he always wanted but he simply dont care a bit about how i feel. He said he doesnt trust me. In the first place i didnt do anything that he forbids me to do. Then why he doesnt trust me? It hurts when i kept all my feelings to myself. Cause whenever i let it out he'll be very unhappy. Is he the only one who can tell people how he feels? He says i'm selfish. What did i do that makes him says that.
All my life, i have never compare the one that i loved the most to someone from my past. I have been always been compared. But this time he say it all out without sparing a thought for my feelings. I cant believe the person that i thought could light up my life actually the person who broke my heart into pieces. The person who always gave me high hopes end up telling me i was sickening. The person whom i thought really accept me to be in his life finally admits i wasnt eligible to be his wife. My dreams totally shattered.
I want him to realize everything that he said. Realize that i wasnt the one who actually changed. I was still the old syimah he knew before. The girl who keeps her pain and sorrows behind her smile. Maybe at times i may have lack that attention from him, but that doesnt mean he have to just throw his whole tantrum on me. Enough of everythin that i have faced previously. I wanted him to be the only one that brings my smile.
He just doesnt realize that he was changing himself. Where is the guy who wipe my tears when i cried. The guy who shared his tears with me. The guy who gave me the strength to face my pain. He just forgets all that. The person who kept saying he wont leave me. The person who hug me tight when i was cold. He forgots all of that. He simply thinks i was the one who change. Since he says that, i'll just accept it the way he is. He can compare me with his whole entire past, blame all the mistakes on me, humiliates me, call me names, throw all his tantrum on me, if that is what that makes him happy to be with me.
I just want he to realize he means the whole world to me. Nobody can ever replace him. And no matter what happen, i will always love him like how i first loved him.
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